I'm not okay

Because I'm the eldest one, so I have to understand my parents. Seeing them get pressure about work, bout money, I feel my heart pain. I always been force to face something that, usually a sixteen years old girl won't face one. I don't know whether how to do when I face so much bloody things happened, I used to cried every night to express my feelings. But now when I wanna cry, my tears won't out easily like last time, is it that I am trying to force myself to be strong ? :(

I'm getting bigger, I've be more mature than before. But I feel the pressure getting more and more. The annoy things always appear on my mind. They can't just solve easily, so I am trying to face it. But I always gonna run away from it, I don't want face the fact. I scare. I scare nightmare or my scar wouldn't cover anymore, I scare the bloody things gonna happened again. I fake my smile, I try not to care, hear, and look about it. I force myself to let everybody thought I'm a noisy stupid idiot person. But actually I'm not, I'm totally a faker of my life. :')

I don't think someone will understand my feelings. My scar come from family, friendship and love. This three male me feel so tire. I also have to face those study pressure, club, and even work. I am trying to be busier than before. I seriously dunno what should I do for this. Can you believe I always cry when I'm asleep ? Can you imagine how pressure am I ? I know someone gonna say ' hello you're just sixteen years old, you think your pressure heavier than mine ? ' But what I wanna tell you is, I just wanna express my feelings so please STFU.

I'm not okay at all. </3